50 ways to Freak Out Yakushi Kabuto:THE FANFICTION
by ZukoKrazy
Summary: Based off of 50 ways to piss off freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out per chapter. Completed.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **_50 ways to Piss Off/ Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction._

**Dedicated to: _HarvestMoonRacoon_**_ because she wrote the funniest fanfiction I've ever read like EVER and because she gave me permission to do this! _

**A/N: **_The fifty ways to freak and/or piss of Kabuto will be in bold while the rest of the fanfiction is in normal font. If it doesn't show up that way, BLAME FANFICTION. NET. Enjoy. _

----

Kidoumaru sighed and flopped down into his squishy chair in his room. Booting up the old computer, Kidoumaru got to wait a half hour until it was usable.

Typing in his email address and his password, Kidoumaru looked for any new emails. There was one. The 6-armed boy was surprised and looked at the sender. From Naruto.

Kidoumaru groaned and almost just deleted it. Most likely just a virus for his computer.

Suprising himself, Kidoumaru opened the email. His eyes opened wide and he laughed. This was great! He had to try it out.

Sending it to his comrades with a little attached note, Kidoumaru grinned evilly. This was going to be fun.

_50 ways to Piss Off/ Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION now begins!_

**1. Change his cell phone's ring tone to "Spy vs. Spy".**

Hearing the jungle did nothing but startle Kabuto. Looking down at his pants, he noticed that the annoying tune was coming from his cell phone!

Flipping it open, he answered with a terse, "Hello?"

"Hi...umm...I was just wondering...is your refrigerator running smoothly?" said a deep voice on the other end.

"Yeah...why?" Kabuto answered, confused.

"Well, um, I'm sorry, but this may come as a shock to you. It's not," the voice said.

"How do you know?" Kabuto asked, confused.

"Because I..." the voice started.

"Tayuya?" a different voice from the other end asked. "What are you doing with Zaku's cell phone? What the... Tayuya don't! Ahhh!" Sounds of someone being tackled sounded from the other line.

"Shut UP Kimimaro!Can't you see I'm doin' a fucking prank...oh...dammit!" sounds of the cell phone being picked up again.

"Uhh...sorry about that. Never mind, have a nice life, goodbye!" the end was rushed. The other caller hung up.

Kabuto turned off his phone and shook his head.

Suddenly a girl's war-cry sounded from the other side of the base. It was quickly followed by a boy's scream.

Both screams got louder and louder until Kimimaro came racing down the hall Kabuto was in, with Tayuya hot in pursuit.

"Kimimaro, when I get you I'm gonna kill you!" Tayuya shrieked.

Kabuto flattened himself against the wall as the two teenagers bolted past. Kabuto chuckled and walked to his room.

**2. Gather hundreds of pens and place them on the right side of the room. On the left side of the room, place one single pencil. Laugh at the pencil. **

Kabuto looked at Kidoumaru like he was insane.

"What are you doing in my room? Where did you get all of those pens?" Kabuto asked, walking over to the right side of the room.

Kabuto shot Kidoumaru a confused look and grabbed a pen.

Kidoumaru just grinned and disappeared.

"What am I supposed to do with these!" he shouted after the 6-armed teenager.

All at once the pens collapsed all over the floor. Kabuto groaned and started picking them up.

**3. Watch "Pride and Prejudice" repeatedly, sighing loudly whenever Kabuto comes near. **

"Jiroubou, I never took you as the type to watch _Pride and Prejudice_," Kabuto commented, heading towards the kitchen for his lunch.

Said boy looked up and, seeing Kabuto, sighed loudly.

A large sweat drop appeared on the back of Kabuto's head.

Hearing the movie end, Jiroubou turned from Kabuto and started the movie over again.

Bigger sweat drop.

"O...k..." Kabuto said, weirded out.

Jiroubou looked and and sighed again.

Kabuto nearly ran from the room.

**4. Motion to the deadliest poison on his desk, and say "Dang! That stuff tasted good!" **

Running into his lab, Kabuto was surprised to see Sakon sitting on the floor smiling like an idiot.

"Oh, hi Kabuto," he sounded like an idiot, too. He grinned even more and rubbed his stomach.

"Dang! That stuff tasted good!" He pointed to a empty bottle on Kabuto's desk.

Kabuto strode over to the potion and looked at the label in horror.

"Sa... Sa...Sakon!" Kabuto cried. "That was _poison_!"

"Hmm...so _that_ was why it had a tangy taste!" Sakon said.

He then got up and strode out of the room, laughing and hiccuping.

**5. Chew on the blunt end of his syringes. **

Kabuto walked, dazed, back to his room. He needed a shower.

Walking into the bathroom, Kabuto shrieked like a little girl.

"Tayuya! What are you _doing_!" Kabuto screamed.

In the middle of his shower sat Tayuya, chewing on the blunt end of his syringes. She looked up a the shirt-less Kabuto (**A/N: **drool) and blushed.

"I...I...uh...MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU CRAZY BASTARD!" she shrieked, throwing herself into his chest.

Kabuto was winded by the impact and fell over backwards. Startled, Kabuto looked into the face of the grinning red-head.

Quickly jumping off of him, Tayuya raced back to Kidoumaru to tell him that she had done what was asked of her.

Kabuto stood up and stared after the girl.

_This was the weirdest day I have ever had._

Little did he know that this was only the beginning...

----

**A/N: **_Chapter one, DONE! Yes, I know the characters are incredibly OOC, but that's the point. This is a humor fic. _

_I'll be doing 5 ways a chapter, so they WILL be short. _

_Once again, dedicated to **HarvestMoonRacoon **because her fic inspired this. _

_She._

_ROCKS! _

_Thanks for reading, please review!_

_-ZK_


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **_50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction._

**Dedicated to: HarvestMoonRacoon **_who originally came up with a great fic that inspired this._

**Special thanks to: **_Kage26, marsnmonkey, EKI-ember, Sora. The angel of the sky, 2stupid, NoCareChakara, and HarvestMoonRacoon._

**A/N: **_Whoa. I got reviews! I expected not to get any Anyways, CHAPTER TWO!_

----

"That went well," Kidoumaru commented.

The other four nodded.

"Ready for the next five?" the six-armed boy asked.

Tayuya had an evil grin on her face, Jiroubou smirked, Sakon nodded, and Kimimaro tried not to anger Tayuya anymore.

"Let's go," Kidoumaru commanded, disappearing to his room in a puff of smoke.

All the others followed him, grinning crazily in excitement.

THE SECOND CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO: THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

**6. Push all the furniture in his room to the left side of his room. Ask him how much an elephant weighs. When he says he doesn't know, look at the floor on the right side of the room with concern.**

Kabuto leaned against the wall in his shower. Why the hell did he ever agree to come here?

Shaking his head, he rinsed off and grabbed his towel. Suddenly from his room came the scraping of furniture. Kabuto groaned and wrapped the towel around his waist.

Walking out of the small bathroom, Kabuto got ready to tell Orochimaru that, once again, he didn't want a personal spa in his bedroom.

Uttering a cry of shock, Kabuto grabbed a spare kunai that was tipped with poison and disappeared.

Appearing behind Tayuya, Kabuto growled, "Whoever the hell you are, show yourselves." Then he put on his glasses.

Sakon, Kidoumaru, Jiroubou, and Kimimaro all looked up from their work.

"Ka...Kabuto-sensei!" Kimimaro gasped out.

"KABUTO!" Kidoumaru yelled, pushing Kimimaro into the arms of Tayuya. "Get him out of here," he hissed to Tayuya who grabbed Kimimaro's hand and pulled him from the room.

"Kidoumaru, what is going on here!" Kabuto yelled in anger and confusion.

"Uh...Hey how much does an elephant weigh?" Kidoumaru asked suddenly.

"Wha...How would I know!" Kabuto exploded.

"Oh...Dammit," Kidoumaru said. All three remaining Sound Four turned to the left side of the room.

"Well, that's not good," Jiroubou said bluntly.

All three walked out with dazed expressions.

**7. Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer." **

Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sakon, Ukon, Jiroubou, Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, and Tayuya all sat around a large table for breakfast.

The seven boys all looked up as Tayuya started talking to her Rice Krispies.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, YOU DAMN BASTARDS!" Tayuya suddenly screamed, startling Kimimaro, Kabuto, and Orochimaru.

Suddenly Tayuya picked up her bowl and threw it on the floor. She then got up and started kicking it.

Sitting back down with a "Hmph."

"Tayuya!" Kabuto called out, startled. "Pick those up, now!"

"NO!" Tayuya screamed. Then she grinned evilly, looking at the cereal on the floor. "I want to see the, suffer."

Orochimaru and Kabuto backed away from the crazed girl while Sakon, Ukon, Jiroubou, Kidoumaru, and Kimimaro snickered.

"O...k..." Kabuto said, freaked out.

**8. Do the Moonwalk. **

Walking back to his lab, Kabuto noticed something moving weirdly inside.

"What the-" Kabuto started.

Inside his lab. Was Jiroubou. Doing the Moonwalk. Jiroubou. JIROUBOU!

Kabuto's eyes started to bleed.

"My eyes!" he screamed out in agony.

"Oh, hi Kabuto," Jiroubou said, grinning.

Kabuto screamed and ran away back towards the kitchen

Passing by Sakon and Ukon's room, Kabuto froze.

**9. Stare for long periods at a picture of Rock Lee. **

Sakon was staring at a picture. Of. Rock. Lee.

"Sakon what are you doing!" Kabuto cried out.

"Staring at my future husband!" Sakon replied, a hungry look in his eyes.

"He's mine!" came the snarl of Ukon.

"Not this time, older brother!" Sakon snarled back.

Suddenly, in Konoha, Rock Lee sneezed a huge sneeze.

"Lee!" Gai cried out. "Someone's talking about you!"

"YOSH GAI-SENSEI!" Lee screamed.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Leeeee!"

"Gai-senseiiiiii!"

Both ran towards each, but suddenly Lee tripped.

Gai tripped over Lee and crashed into Neji's legs, causing him to fall, but he grabbed Tenten and brought her down as well.

"Well, this is awkward."

Back in Sound, Kabuto screamed and ran away towards Orochimaru's room.

"Orochimaru-sama!" he cried out.

Suddenly he ran into Kidoumaru.

**10. Draw a seal on your head with magic marker, stuff pillows down your shirt, and call yourself "Tsunade". **

Kidoumaru had taken what looked like a magic marker and drawn a seal on his head and stuffed pillows down his shirt.

"Look, Kabuto! I'm Tsunade!" Kidoumaru sang out happily.

Orochimaru, who was walking by, inspected Kidoumaru.

"He does have a striking resemblance to Tsunade," Orochimaru commented.

Kabuto fainted.

Both man and boy looked at each other and then down at white-haired boy.

"What's with him?" Orochimaru asked the no-longer flat-chested Kidoumaru.

Said boy shrugged.

When Kabuto woke up, he was in his room.

He laughed. A dream! It was all a dream!

Then he looked at his room. All his furniture was to the right side of the room. Pens were everywhere.

On the left side of the room sat on pencil.

Kabuto fainted.

----

**A/N: **_wOOt! Chapter two DONE! _

_This chapter was a little longer than last time._

_ANYWAYS, please review!_

_I'll be updating maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on how many reviews I get._

_Again, **HarvestMoonRacoon **is the one who made this all possible, so I thank her so much. She gave me permission to do this Thanks!_

_-ZK_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **_50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction._

**Dedicated to: HarvestMoonRacoon.**

**Special thanks to: ** _NoCareChakara, Miss Ninja Kimi, cherryd22, HarvestMoonRacoon, 2stupid, foxes-n-blood-n-tears-never-shed, Zidra, Sora. The angel of the sky, and Mewy._

**A/N: **_Hola again my friends! I can't believe I got that many reviews! I honestly thought omg no one's going to read this. Anyways, thank all of you guys for reviewing! Here's chapter three! Happy fourth of July! (For those who aren't American, that is our independence day.) _

_Oh and before I forget, there will be a little Tayuya x Kimimaro fluff and maybe a little Tayuya X Kabuto. Not serious stuff, just fluff ._

----

The Sound Four laughed. They absolutely loved torturing Kabuto! It was hilarious to see his eyes bug out and his mouth drop open in surprise.

Kimimaro watched all of this with little interest.

Then something happened that made him perk up a bit and blush.

The Sound Four were fooling around, pushing each other all over the place.

Tayuya was walking out of the room to go to her room to check on the fanfiction when somebody shoved Sakon into Tayuya.

Falling backwards, Tayuya uttered a cry of shock and prepared to hit the floor.

But the hit never came. Tayuya opened her eyes to find herself staring into the eyes of Kimimaro. He looked surprised he caught her. She looked surprised he caught her. They looked surprised he caught her.

Then he dropped her because he was so surprised.

"WHY YOU LAZY UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!" Tayuya roared, running after Kimimaro.

The other three backed away and huddled around the computer.

"Let's see...Let's do this one!" Kidoumaru said, excited.

The others nodded and grinned evilly.

Kabuto was in for a treat today.

THE THIRD CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO: THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

**11. Hang on the back of his chair when he's doing important paperwork, and when he's drinking his coffee (over the papers, mind you.) say, "You love Tayuya, don't you?" **

It was seven in the morning and Kabuto had his coffee ready.

Leaning over his papers, he took a sip of coffee just as a voice yelled behind him, "You love Tayuya, don't you?"

Choking on his coffee, Kabuto started spazzing out and rolling on the floor.

Kidoumaru hung from the ceiling, watching the whole ordeal.

Finally straightening from his choking, Kabuto shook his head and looked around.

Suddenly a war cry erupted from the other side of the base.

Kabuto paled.

"Damn," he hissed.

Disappearing in the bathroom, Kabuto thought he was safe.

Leaning against the wall of the shower, Kabuto sighed in relief.

The door joining the bathroom to the bedroom banged open.

"KABUTO!" Tayuya yelled.

Disappearing in a puff of smoke, Kabuto tried to get away from the angered girl.

Unfortunately, Kabuto forgot a towel.

And he appeared in Orochimaru's room.

Naked.

Orochimaru, for once, wasn't thinking about Sasuke.

**12. Tell _everyone_ you meet in the Sound of Kabuto's undying love for chick flicks. **

"Hey, Sasuke," Jiroubou whispered.

"What," Sasuke replied in his gay voice of a stuck up BASTARD.

"Did you know that Kabuto absolutely _adores _chick flicks?"

"Uhh...no I didn't know that.." Sasuke said, surprised.

"He LOVES them! He watches them ALL the time," Jiroubou said with emphasis.

Then Sasuke remembered that he was supposed to act cold, emotionless, and like a jackass.

"Why the hell should I care," he said, shrugging Jiroubou off.

Jiroubou grinned and walked off to tell someone else.

"Ahem," came a voice over a loud speaker.

"Hello, everyone. I am informing you all Yakushi Kabuto is in love with chick flicks."

"JIROUBOU!" came the scream of an extremely angry Kabuto.

"Shit. SPREAD THE WORD!" he screamed and the line went dead.

In his room Orochimaru stopped.

Kabuto? Chick flicks?

Whoa.

And you think you know a guy.

**13. Tell Kabuto, "Orochimaru-sama's got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. **

"Kabuto! Kabuto! Kabuto!" Tayuya screamed, bursting into Kabuto's lab.

Dropping the potion he had been working on, Kabuto looked to Tayuya in fury. "What!" he exploded.

"Orochimaru-sama's got an important message for you!" she cried.

Kabuto stood up in a flash, fury forgotten. "What is it?" he asked, worried.

Tayuya stared at him for a second and then she collapsed onto the floor.

"Tayuya?" Kabuto asked, walking over to the girl.

A couple of minutes of shaking and calling her name, Tayuya finally woke up to find Kabuto's face right next to hers.

Tayuya's mouth dropped open. She's never been so close to Kabuto before.

Straightening, Kabuto offered his hand to the girl.

Taking it, Tayuya was surprised how warm it was.

"Tayuya, what was the message?" Kabuto asked, lowering his face right in front of hers.

"Message? What message? Why the hell am I in your lab? I WANT MY CEREAL, DAMMIT!" She shouted.

Tayuya jumped onto her feet and raced out of the lab towards the kitchen to get her cereal. Kabuto looked on in confusion.

Later, after dinner, Tayuya and Kabuto were stuck with kitchen duty.

Dropping a plate into the soapy water, Tayuya cried out, "Oh yeah, I remember!"

"What was it?" Kabuto said, looking at her with intensity.

Tayuya collapsed again.

Kabuto sighed and put her back into her room.

As Kabuto walked out, Tayuya opened an eye slightly to see if he was gone.

Jumping from her bed, she closed the door silently and IMed Kidoumaru.

**FluteMaster67: **Alright, i did it. What's the next one?

**Four-armed-freak: **The next one is..

**14. Keep this up for several weeks. **

Several weeks later, history repeated itself.

"KABUTO! IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM OROCHIMARU-SAMA!" Tayuya screamed at the top of her lungs, kicking the door open to Kabuto's room, where he was sleeping. At four AM.

"What is it?" he said groggily.

Tayuya fainted.

Kabuto ignored her and went back to sleep.

"Go away, Tayuya," he mumbled before sleeping.

**15. Use Jiroubou's stomach as an airbag. Run down one of the long corridors at top speed with your hands behind you, and at the last possible second, throw your self into a ball and crash into him. **

Sakon grinned. This was going to be fun.

"JIROUBOU!" Sakon yelled.

"What?" came the annoyed reply.

"Stand right here, ok?" Sakon placed the boy in a specific place at the end of a corridor.

Jiroubou shrugged and complied.

Kabuto turned the corner and started walking along the same corridor.

He was almost at the end when Sakon let out a fierce war cry. Gathering chakra at his feet, he sped past Kabuto with his hand behind him. Just as he was about to crash into Jiroubou, he threw himself into a ball and bounced off of Jiroubou.

Landing on his back, Sakon let out a, "YAHOO!" and lay there, panting and laughing.

Kabuto stared in shock as Jiroubou advanced towards Sakon.

"Wait, Jiroubou!" Sakon cried.

**16. Tell him Kabuto told you to do it. **

"Kabuto told me to do it!" he cried at the last second.

Jiroubou looked up and saw Kabuto huddled against the wall.

"KABUTO!" came the angry cry of Jiroubou.

Kabuto yelled and ran away.

Jiroubou stomped a few steps and then turned and grinned and Sakon.

"How was that?" the fatty asked, grinning.

"Awesome. Let's go find Kidoumaru," Sakon said, getting up.

Walking past Kabuto's room, they were surprised to find him huddled in a corner, whispering over and over, "Don't kill me, fat ass. Don't kill me, fat ass."

Anime sweat drops.

Sakon started to say something but decided against it.

"Let's...let's go, Jiroubou," Sakon said, keeping his eyes on Kabuto.

"AHH IT'S THE FAT ASS!" Kabuto screamed, fainting.

Sweat drops.

"O...K..." Sakon said.

Running to Kidoumaru's room, they told him that they completed it.

"We're good at this," Tayuya commented.

Everyone agreed.

"Maybe we can make it so he reaches the point of insanity!" Kidoumaru said excitedly.

Everyone laughed and agreed.

"Look out, Kabuto. We're coming to get you," Tayuya said, holding a flashlight to make her face look scary.

Everyone laughed evilly and agreed.

Kabuto sneezed.

----

**A/N: **_Yaay! Chapter Three done! I hope that one was funny. It was longer than usual. Maybe you guys noticed that I threw in an extra one? That means the order will be a little out of wack now, ok? Right._

_Happy fourth of July! I hope you guys liked it. Please review!_

_Please note that I probably won't update all of my stories like I do this one _

_-ZK_


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **_50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction._

**Dedicated to: HarvestMoonRacoon.**

**Special thanks to: **_HarvestMoonRacoon, Lyemi, DragonRiderShoya, Mewy, 2stupid, NoCareChakara, and Zidra._

**A/N: **_HALDO EVERYONE! I am very VERY happy right now, so I decided to update! YAAY! _

_Thanks to all my reviewers!_

_----_

Tayuya, Kidoumaru, Jiroubou, Sakon, Ukon, and Kimimaro all huddled around the computer.

"What next Kidoumaru?" Jiroubou asked.

"I don't know...they are all so amazing. THAT ONE!" he cried out suddenly.

Tayuya looked at it at cackled evilly.

"Let's go," she said sinisterly.

THE FOURTH CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO: THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

**Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after Kabuto. Separate Kabuto's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake Kabuto's potato and eat it. Explain to him, "He just didn't belong"**

The Sound Five, Kabuto and Orochimaru were eating dinner one night when suddenly Tayuya left the table.

Coming back about five minutes later, Tayuya was hauling a large sack.

Sitting down, she reached in and pulled out a potato.

"This one is Kidoumaru," she showed the chibi face painted on the potato.

"This one is Kimimaro," she said, holding up another one.

"This is Sakon, this is Ukon, this is Jiroubou," for Jiroubou she held up an abnormally large potato, "this is Orochimaru-sama, and this one's Kabuto."

All of the potatoes were beautifully drawn, except Kabuto's. His was ugly.

Kabuto raised an eyebrow and continued eating his meal.

A few days later, Kabuto walked down to the kitchen to the smell of potatoes. Puzzled, Kabuto walked into the kitchen to see The Sound Five and Orochimaru huddled around the oven, which was cooking something, chanting "Bake! Bake! Bake!"

"Orochimaru-sama? What's going on?" Kabuto asked.

"DINNER YOU DAMNED BASTARDS!" Tayuya screamed out suddenly.

All the guys sat down as Tayuya served them all potatoes.

Puzzled, Kabuto asked, "Tayuya, what did you make this of? We're out of potatoes."

Tayuya looked sad and said, "I made it out of Kabuto. He just didn't belong."

Kabuto looked scared and walked to his lab.

**Call Kabuto "Pinky." **

Kabuto was pouring a deadly potion carefully into another one when suddenly a voice in his ear said seductively, "Hey there, Pinky."

Kabuto jumped and dropped both potions which started burning the floor beneath him.

Whipping around wildly, Kabuto shrieked as he came face-to-face with Sakon.

"Sakon! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Kabuto yelled, furious.

"Just saying hi, Pinky," was the reply.

Kabuto growled and set off to find a broom to clean up the mess.

"Goddammit Sakon," Kabuto muttered.

"How 'ya doin', Pinky?" Jiroubou asked, passing him in the hall.

Kabuto growled and kept walking.

"PINKY!" Tayuya yelled from the other end of the hall, waving happily.

Kabuto twitched and ran after the poor girl.

"AAHHHH! STOP! I'M TUCKLISH THERE! CUT IT OUT DAMMIT!" Tayuya screamed as Kabuto tickled her arms.

"Kabuto?" someone said from above the two.

"Kimimaro!" Tayuya screamed with glee, glomping the silver-haired boy.

"Uh...hi, Tayuya," Kimimaro said.

"Make Pinky stop tickling me!" she cried, hiding behind Kimimaro.

"Pinky?" Kimimaro asked, clearly confused.

"PINKY!" Tayuya screamed, pointing at Kabuto.

"..."

Kimimaro sweat dropped and led Tayuya to a quiet room where she sat for a couple hours trying to regain her sanity.

**During the night, position yourself over his head while he sleeps. Then, sometime, preferably a few hours before dawn, loudly say, "Kabuto, why do we have five toes instead of four?" **

At about two-thirty A.M, Kidoumaru hung on the ceiling above where Kabuto slept.

Positioning himself so his mouth was right next to Kabuto's ear, Kidoumaru screamed out, "Hey, Pinky, how come we have five toes instead of four?"

Kabuto screamed and pushed Kidoumaru, who was laughing like a maniac, over the edge of the bed.

Kimimaro was walking downstairs to get a glass of milk when a cry sounded from the other side of the base.

"KIDOUMARUUUUUUUUU!" it was Kabuto.

Kimimaro dropped his glass onto the floor and ran.

"Kabuto-sensei!" Kimimaro cried out. "Don't kill him!"

**Insist on calling Sakon and Ukon "Thing 1" and "Thing 2".**

"Kabuto! Come here, quick! Kabutooooooooo!" Jiroubou screamed at the top of his lungs.

"What! What is it!" Kabuto cried, skidding around the corner.

"LOOK! THING 1 AND THING 2!" Jiroubou screamed, laughing.

Sakon and Ukon both glared at the fat man.

"Jiroubou..." they started in unison, growling.

The man paled and shoved Kabuto in front of him.

"TAYUYA! GET YOUR BOYFRIENDS THING 1 AND THING 2 TO NOT HURT ME!" Jiroubou screamed as they pushed Kabuto out of the way.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU FAT BASTARD!" Tayuya screamed at the large man.

"Uh...heh heh," Jiroubou said.

"JIROUBOU I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Sakon, Ukon, and Tayuya all screamed at once.

Jiroubou screamed and ran for it.

A sweat drop appeared on the back of Kabuto's head.

**Wait until Kabuto is almost finished eating a bran muffin and say, "Boy. You're eating that? Hope it tastes better then it _felt_. I tried sitting on it, but the bran was too rough" **

Kabuto flopped into a chair for breakfast.

Orochimaru slid over to him and said, "What's wrong, Kabuto?"

Kabuto looked at his master with tiredness in his eyes and black bags under his eyes.

"N-Nothing Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto stuttered, yawning.

He hadn't been able to get back to sleep after Kidoumaru had woken him up at two A.M.

Sasuke walked into the room and Orochimaru pushed Kabuto out of his chair.

"Sasuke-kun! Over here!" Orochimaru called.

Grumbling, Sasuke sat next to the perverted old man.

Kabuto sighed and grabbed a bran muffin. The Sound Five looked at each other with glee as Kabuto started eating it.

Five minutes later, Kabuto was almost done when Tayuya suddenly burst out, "Boy. You're eating that? Hope it tastes better then it _felt. _I tried sitting on it, but the bran was too rough."

Kabuto chocked on the muffin while Jiroubou, Kimimaro, Thing 1, Thing 2, and Kidoumaru all agreed.

"We threw it around and tried stabbing it with some rusty kunai we found in the bathroom, but it just wouldn't break," Kidoumaru shrugged.

Kabuto fainted and the Sound Five cried with laughter.

They wiped their tears and picked him up, placing Kabuto on his bed.

Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, Jiroubou, Thing 1 and Thing 2 all walked out the door, laughing and joking.

Tayuya's flute was snagged on Kabuto's sheet. She growled and bent closer to the snare.

Kabuto whimpered and Tayuya froze. Kabuto reached up in his sleep and grabbed the girl, pulling her down next to him.

Kabuto buried his face into the red hair and Tayuya turned as red as her hair.

He pulled her small figure into him Tayuya blushed furiously.

She shut her eyes tightly and Kabuto grinned, still feigning sleep.

Moving slightly, Kabuto whispered seductively into her hair, "Tayuya..."

Tayuya shivered and Kabuto knew he had her.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked quietly.

Instantly Tayuya dropped her gaze to the floor and mumbled something incoherent.

Kabuto pulled her into him and whispered into her ear, "You know these pranks hurt me, don't you?"

Tayuya shivered and Kabuto licked her ear lobe gently.

"Kabuto..." she whimpered.

"Tayuya," he growled huskily.

Sliding his hands along her stomach, Kabuto grinned as Tayuya shivered and moaned softly.

"Kabuto! Tayuya!" a voice cried out.

Kabuto looked up with an annoyed expression but paled when he saw the figure standing in the doorway.

The devil. It was the devil!

"Kimimaro!" Tayuya gasped out.

...Or it could just be Kimimaro.

"What are you doing!" Kimimaro cried, pulling Tayuya away from Kabuto.

Looking away, Kabuto mumbled something about bran muffins.

Shaking his head at the white-haired man, Kimimaro grabbed Tayuya's hand and strode out of the room.

Kabuto would pay. Kabuto would pay dearly.

Said man sighed and laid back down.

Why him?

A war cry sounded from the other end of the base and Kabuto groaned. Kimimaro had told Sakon.

_Great. Just fuckin' great. _Kabuto thought.

----

**A/N: **_Not my best. It's 1:10 A.M. And I just had to update. Review please!_

_-ZK_


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **_50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction. I do not own Weird Al's 'Ode to a Superhero' either. _

**Dedicated to: HarvestMoonRacoon.**

**Special thanks to: **_HarvestMoonRacoon, NoCareChakara, Joyness, Canthinkofaname, kimimaros-angel, Lyemi, Sora. The angel of the sky, Syrin-of-Songs, Kimimaro-sama, rikku4771, amaya-window-shade-slayer, Kiba-Fox, and Miss Ninja Kimi. _

**A/N: **_Yay! Chapter Five! Thank you, guys, for the reviews!_

----

Kimimaro braced himself for the explosion.

It came.

Sakon, when he heard what Kabuto did to Tayuya, turned red, swore, and from his mouth erupted a war cry.

Kidoumaru smirked; he knew Sakon had something for her!

"That Kabuto is going to pay," Ukon growled.

Suddenly, who was to burst into the room? Why, it was none other then Kin, Dosu, and Zaku!

Kin immediately ran to Tayuya and comforted the shocked girl.

Dosu looked to Kidoumaru and said, "We heard what Kabuto did to Tayuya. We're here to help."

If Dosu hadn't been wearing bandages around his head, Sakon could have sworn that he was smiling.

All the Sound Ninja laughed that evil laugh that scares people a lot. Sasuke walked past and a large sweat drop appeared on the back of his head.

THE FIFTH CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO:THA FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

**Every time Kabuto walks in his laboratory yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere" **

Kabuto walked to his lab, exhausted beyond belief. _Three days..._he thought. _Three days and they haven't done anything._

He opened the door and was greeted by Zaku shouting in a loud voice, "HOORAY! YOU'RE BACK!"

Kabuto was startled and a huge sweat drop appeared on the back of his head as Zaku danced around the room.

Five minutes later, he stopped and Kabuto started mixing a potion. Turning around to place it in a different tube, Kabuto yelped and dropped the potion when Zaku shoved his face in Kabuto's.

"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" Zaku asked, looking at his watch.

Kabuto shook with anger and pushed the smaller boy out of his way.

"KABUTO! SHOULDN'T YOU BEING GOING SOMEWHERE!" Zaku screamed seven minutes later.

"No, Zaku," Kabuto answered, annoyed.

"Oh...Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" Zaku asked five minutes later.

Orochimaru looked up from his paper work and cocked his head at the faint sound of Kabuto screaming something like, "ZAKU YOU FUCKING BASTARD I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" and the sound of Zaku laughing and running away.

Then again, he could always be imagining it.

**Ask him if he's a virgin. **

"Hey, Pinky," Kin greeted.

Kabuto twitched at the name but greeted the girl with a terse, "Hello, Kin."

"Hey, Pinky?" Kin asked.

"Yeah," Kabuto answered.

"Are you a virgin?" Kin asked, innocent-eyed.

Kabuto stuttered and blushed.

"Are ya?" Kin asked, pressing the matter.

"Well, uh, yes, I am," Kabuto answered, muttered.

"You're what?" Kin asked.

"A...A virgin," Kabuto groaned.

**Ask him why. **

Several hours later, Kin approached Kabuto again.

"How come?" she asked.

"How come what?" Kabuto asked, looking up from his paperwork.

"How come your a virgin?" Kin asked.

Kabuto just stared. And stared. And stared. An-

The author got tired of writing the sentence and decided to make Kabuto give the "talk" to Kin.

"Oh...so THAT'S where babies come from...Of course, The Stork!" Kin said as if it was the newest thing ever.

Kabuto nodded and sent the girl on her way.

As soon as she was gone, Kabuto groaned.

"I can't believe I'm still a virgin..." he muttered to himself. "Boy, do I need a life."

**Wake him up in the middle of the night, preferably around 2 to 3 a.m, screaming his name. When he responds, ask him if people grow from spores. **

"KABUTO! KABUTO! KABUTO! KABUTO!" Sakon, Ukon, Jiroubou, and Kidoumaru all screamed.

Kabuto bolted upright and looked around wildly. "What is it!" he screamed in confusion.

"Do people grow from spores?" they all chorused.

Kabuto growled and launched himself from the bed.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL!" he screamed, chasing them around the base.

Pretty soon, Orochimaru, Kin, Dosu, Zaku, Sasuke, Tayuya, and Kimimaro all watched in amusement as Kabuto chased the four hysterical boys.

**Sing "Ode to a Superhero" whenever Kidoumaru walks by. **

"Kabuto," Dosu called out.

"What is it?" Kabuto asked, walking up to him.

"Watch this. AHEM!" Dosu coughed, bringing the attention off all the Sound Nin gathered on what seemed to be a bleacher.

Kabuto had a bad feeling about this.

Dosu picked up one of those pointy stick things and tapped it on the podium he had in front of him.

"And a 1, and a 2, and a 1,2,3,4," Dosu counted down.

"Peter Parker was pitiful  
Couldn't have been any shyer  
Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him  
Even if his hair was on fire," Kin started.

"But then one day he went to that science lab  
That mutated spider came down  
Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls  
And he's swingin' all over town," Zaku sang.

"La li la, li de da  
La la, li le la da dum," they all sang together.

"Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man  
Sling us a web tonight  
'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now  
And there's evil doers to fight," Tayuya sang out, grinning.

"Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his  
Who horns in on Mary Jane  
But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys  
Who can kiss upside down in the rain," Jiroubou belted out.

"With great power comes great responsibility"  
That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben  
If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line  
Again and again and again," Sakon started, activating his level-two seal.

Just then, Kidoumaru jumped into the room using his webs. Strangely enough, he was wearing a Spiderman costume.

"Kidoumaru...?" Kabuto said, confused.

"Oh, la la la, di de da  
La la, di di da da dom," they all sang together.

"Now Norman's a billionaire scientist- Kabuto? What are you doing?" Ukon broke off, looking at Kabuto.

Kabuto was currently talking to the wall.

"I think they're trying to make me crazy," he whispered seriously to the wall. Then he gave an extremely high-pitched giggle.

Tayuya leaned over to Kimimaro, pouted, and said, "That's not fair. He's supposed to stay sane until we're done."

Kimimaro grinned and said, "Watch this."

Kimimaro jumped off the bleaches and onto the ground. He walked over to Kabuto and said two words that would haunt Kabuto forever.

"Bran muffins..."

**A/N: **_Yup, I definitely thought that chapter was the worst. But you can always review and tell me otherwise . Anyways, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers, you guys get me so motivated and I love hearing from you guys. _

_Until the next time we torture Kabu- I mean until next chapter,_

_-ZK_


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **_50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction._ _I do not own the Pied Piper of Hamlin._

**Dedicated to: _HarvestMoonRacoon and Billy, a horse I knew well, who died recently. R.I.P_**

**Special thanks to:** _NoCareChakara, wildrook, Kimimaro-sama, SoundCloud, Between The Nightmares, Joyness, kimimaros-angel, Kage-chan, xpakux, Kai Sohma, Hatsumomo and Saiyuli, Kira-Kira Shiloh, Lyemi, Sanin Heroshima, Akamori-Chan, amie.stargazer, __AnimexFreakx4xEva, and Mewy. _

**A/N: **_Wow! Thanks for all the reviews, guys! I loved reading all of them, and it makes me happy that I made you guys fall out of your chairs laughing Anyways, this is the last chapter until I get back from vacation. I'm leaving on Sunday, the 30th, and I won't be back until next Saturday. ENJOY!_

----

Sakon, Ukon, Jiroubou, Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, Tayuya, Zaku, Dosu, and Kin all sat around the small computer screen.

"That one," Dosu pointed.

"No, that one," Zaku argued.

"That one's better," Dosu said.

"No, that one is," Zaku disagreed.

Both boys glared at each other as Kin pushed between them, pointing at one between the two.

"That one!" she said, smiling.

They all looked at it and grinned evilly.

"That one it is…" Kidoumaru said, giving instructions to his fellow Sound nin.

THE SIXTH CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO:THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

27. Bookmark the Neopets homepage and program it to pop up whenever Kabuto gets online.

Kabuto sighed and sat down at his computer. Booting it up, he looked around in disinterest.

Kabuto was tired and hungry and annoyed. When Orochimaru-sama wasn't looking, he swore those Sound nin were going to get it.

Just as he was thinking of ways to torture Sakon through Tayuya, something popped up on his screen. Confused, he leaned forward in his chair.

What were they? They looked like some of Orochimaru's experiments!

"Welcome to Neopets! Welcome to Neopets! Welcome to Neopets!" the things chanted.

An hour later, Kin, Dosu, and Zaku poked their heads into the room and stared as they found Kabuto on the floor twitching, with the Neopets chanting in the background.

Kin laughed and Zaku smirked. Dosu walked up to the twitching boy and poked him with a stick he had found.

Kabuto responded with a lively kick in the wrong direction and passed out.

28. Hug him.

Kabuto woke up several hours later.

Sighing, he walked to the kitchen, hell-bent on getting some milk before Kimimaro drank it all.

Suddenly, Tayuya, Sakon, Ukon, Kimimaro, and Kidoumaru hugged him.

"What are you doing?" Kabuto cried.

"Nothing," came the muffled reply of Ukon.

29. Tightly.

Kin, Dosu, and Zaku raced through the halls and crashed into something big screaming, "Kabuto! Kabuto! Kabuto!"

"What are you guys doing!" Kabuto yelled under the pile of all the Sound shinobi.

"Nothing," they all chorused.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Kabuto yelled at the tope of his lungs.

They all laughed and hugged tighter.

Pretty soon, Kabuto was hugged so tightly that his breath was cut off, knocking him out.

The Sound nin took his body into the kitchen, tied him to a chair, and woke him up with a splash of water to the face.

Kabuto sputtered and looked up at the other Sound ninja in confusion.

Why was he tied down to a chair? Why was Tayuya grinning like that? What was that in her hands? Wait- what? BRAN MUFFIN! AHHH!

The others laughed as Tayuya made a screaming Kabuto eat some bran muffin.

**30. When Orochimaru summons Kabuto, sing "The Pied Piper of Hamlin"**

"Kabuto!" came the annoying voice of Sasuke. "Orochimaru wants you!"

Kabuto sighed and left his laboratory. Three heads looked into the room and immediately started setting up for the next prank.

As Kabuto walked down the hall, he heard a low murmuring.

Turning his head, he saw Sakon leaning against the wall, glaring at him. Then Kabuto heard what he was singing.

"_Once more he stept into the street,  
And to his lips again_," he murmured. Then he stopped as disappeared.

Kabuto shook his head and continued, but was soon stopped by Ukon.

"_Laid his long pipe of smooth straight cane;  
And ere he blew three notes  
(such sweet Soft notes as yet musician's cunning  
Never gave the enraptured air),"_ Ukon sang quietly.

Kabuto walked on, but stopped when he spotted Tayuya hanging from the ceiling.

"There was a rustling, that seemed like a bustling  
Of merry crowds justling at pitching and hustling," she sang in a beautiful voice, disappearing.

Kabuto walked on and stopped once more and he saw Kimimaro, Kidoumaru, Jiroubou, Zaku, and Dosu all standing together.

Kimimaro sang bravely, "Small feet were pattering, wooden shoes clattering,  
Little hands clapping and little tongues chattering."

"And, like fowls in a farm-yard when barley is scattering,  
Out came the children running," Kidoumaru sang next.

"All the little boys and girls,  
With rosy cheeks and flaxen curls," Jiroubou sang out softly.

"And sparkling eyes and teeth like pearls,  
Tripping and skipping, ran merrily after," Zaku quietly said.

"The wonderful music with shouting and laughter," Dosu finished gravely.

In unison, they looked down the hall and stared. Orochimaru came walking out of his room, saw the stares and said, "What?"

Kabuto fainted.

31. Break a small glass container. Cover his desk (and his papers) with cooked ramen, and run to him, screaming, "The tapeworms are escaping! The tapeworms are escaping!"

Sakon and Tayuya all set up the prank in his lab.

They heard footsteps coming down the hall and Tayuya hid.

"KABUTO! THE TAPEWORMS ARE ESCAPING! THE TAPEROWRMS ARE ESCAPING!" Sakon and Ukon both yelled as loud as possible.

They heard Kabuto scream and they watched as he ran into the room, frantically searing for another container. Tayuya hung from the ceiling and took a long noodle.

When Kabuto was right under her, she dropped it onto his head.

She watched, silently laughing, as he froze, felt the tope of his head and screamed like a girl.

"THE TAPEWORMS ARE ESCAPING! THE TAPEWORMS ARE ESCAPING! THE TAPEWORMS ARE ESCAPING!" Sakon and Ukon screamed over and over again.

Orochimaru walked into the laboratory, pasted the three screaming idiots, and picked up some of the noodles.

He raised them to his mouth and ate them. "OROCHIMARU-SAMA! NOOOO!" Kabuto screamed.

Kabuto fell on the floor, dead.

Just kidding. If he were dead, whom would Orochimaru screw? Just kidding. Again.

Kabuto fell to the ground, unconscious.

Tayuya, Sakon, Ukon, and Orochimaru all looked at Kabuto and laughed some more.

Orochimaru, Ukon, Sakon, and Tayuya all pulled him into the bathroom, where they tied him to the toilet and finger-painted on his face and stomach. Orochimaru wanted to go lower, but the other three stopped him.

Several hours later, Kabuto woke up and blinked. Why was he on his bed? He sat up and walked into the bathroom and screamed.

On his face where various designs of hearts, stars, and all things girly. Wait, what was that?

Kabuto looked closer and fainted as he realized what it was and why it had Orochimaru's signature under it.

----

**A/N: **_Yup, definitely my worst. Sorry if I disappointed anyone, but I wrote this in a rush to post before I left._

_I hope you enjoyed it and reviews are always nice._

_-ZK_


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **_50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction._

**Dedicated to: _HarvestMoonRacoon and everyone who is fighting, have died of, or have survived cancer. _**

**Special thanks to:** _Kimimaro-sama, SoundCloud, NoCareChakara, Lyemi, Miss Ninja Kimi, whatthehellwasithinkin, demon-ice-mirror, Eat, LaZyEnErGeTiC, firedragonknight, xpakux, Ickiakki, EKI-ember, Ribbonsandbows, conquerors star, rosefox89, A True Radical Dreamer, and Mel Fusinaw._

**A/N: **_Hey everybody, I'm back! It was delightful to come back to like 20 reviews. Suggested reading: Pay The Piper: A rock 'N' Roll Fairy Tale by Jane Yolen and Adam Stemple. Great book, that is. _

_Anyways, yes, I had a wonderful vacation and I'm glad to be back on the computer! But enough of slabs of my boring life, let's get on with the tortu- I mean fanfiction! Oh, check out the author's note at the bottom for a special announcement and poll. _

_-_---

The Sound Five and the Sound Trio, all in all making eight prankster Sound Ninja ready to annoy Kabuto to no end, all huddled around, once again, Kidoumaru's 20-year-old computer.

"That one," Tayuya pointed.

"No. That one," Sakon argued. All the Sound Nin froze at his bold argument and stared at the soon-to-be-dead boy, waiting for the explosion sure to come.

"NO! THAT ONE, YOU BASTARD!" Tayuya yelled at the top of her lungs.

Sakon threw down a smoke bomb, turned around and woke up Ukon, and fell asleep himself, laughing silently as he knew his twin would get the body.

Tayuya growled and punched Ukon clear across the room. What they didn't know, however, was that Haruno Sakura was doing the exact same thing to Uzumaki Naruto many miles away in Konoha.

As Tayuya walked slowly to the now-freshly-awake boy, shouting out swears, the other six cowered in fear.

"I…I think we should just do that one," Jiroubou said, his voice cracking. He pointed at Tayuya's suggestion and the others quickly nodded and ran off to go set up.

Meanwhile, Tayuya was tying up Ukon and Sakon in a chair.

She left for a couple minutes but soon came back with a simple match and…lighter fluid. Sakon and Ukon both screamed like little girls while Tayuya recorded all of this on a camera. After about 10 minutes of this, Tayuya doubled over in laughter while Sakon and Ukon growled and kicked the girl rolling around on the ground.

Ok, back from the world of randomness (a really fun place) to where the others were setting up the prank with glee…

Kabuto is in for it today.

THE SEVENTH CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO:THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

**32. Fill his shoes with whipped cream.**

Kabuto had just finished washing off his face and clearing his mind of the disturbing images that kept on popping into his head when he heard his master calling.

"KABUTO! SASUKE NEEDS FLUFFIER PILLOWS! GO OUT AND BUY SEVENTEEN!" the snake man yelled.

Kabuto sighed and slipped his shirt back on. "Orochimaru-sama, I'll need money," he said tiredly.

"Use your own," came the gruff reply.

Kabuto sighed again and walked to the door, slipping on his shoes. Hmmm…. soft…. Kabuto continued on his walk but stopped short when he noticed the white foamy stuff oozing out of his sandals.

Kabuto cried out and threw his shoes off. "Whipped cream!" he breathed in relief.

"WHIPPED CREAM!" he cried out in anger, stalking back towards the kitchen. "JIROUBOU!"

"What?" came the reply from the study.

"WHAT WAS WHIPPED CREAM DOING IN! MY! SHOES!" Kabuto spat out the last three words.

Jiroubou shrugged, sighed, and turned back to _Pride and Prejudice. _

Kabuto growled, and Jiroubou looked up and sighed at him.

Kabuto let out a yell of an animal and ran to the tape player, ripped out the tape, and broke it in half. After he did this, he stomped on it, burned it, ate a part of it, and finally threw it out the window, breathing heavily.

Jiroubou shrugged, got up from the couch, walked over to the closet and threw open the door.

Kabuto's mouth fell onto the floor. Millions. Of. Copies. Of. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE!

Kabuto walked out of the room in a daze, slipped on his whipped cream shoes, and walked away as Jiroubou popped in the tape and settled down once more, sighing.

**33. When he shaves his face and is millimeters from cutting himself, scream.**

Kin, Dosu, and Zaku all positioned themselves on the ceiling, using their chakra to hold themselves up as Kabuto entered the bathroom.

Kabuto threw off his shirt as Kin blushed and Dosu and Zaku glared at the white haired man for being so incredibly handsome.

He took out his shaving cream, which was incidentally replaced with whipped cream, and his razor.

As he squirted the "shaving cream" onto his face, Kabuto hummed Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson.

When his razor was millimeters away from his face, Kin, Zaku, and Dosu all screamed as loud as they could, and with a cackle disappeared to watch the performance on Kidoumaru's computer.

They all sat around the tiny screen and laughed uproariously as Kabuto's blood poured everywhere.

**34. Touch the bandage continually for the rest of the day.**

Kabuto sat at the kitchen table, eating his bologna sandwich when Tayuya appeared right beside him.

"Tayuya, what do you want?" Kabuto asked.

Tayuya reached out and touch the bandage covering half his face. Kabuto backed up slightly as the girl kept poking it.

Suddenly, who would appear but Spiderman? Wait, I'm getting something…I'm sorry; we meant to actually say KIDOUMARU!

Kidoumaru strode up to Kabuto and promptly poked his bandage.

Pretty soon, the eight Sound Ninja were gathered around Kabuto, poking his bandage and admiring its softness.

Kabuto screamed and ran away from the surging crowd.

**35. Stick your hand in a power box and scream "CHIDORI!" as you pass out.**

"Kabuto-sensei!" Kimimaro called out. "Come on! Sakon wanted to show you something!"

Kabuto grumbled, but finished snapping his protective gear in place.

He was completely surrounded by bubble wrap. "Ready," he mumbled, following the teenager to the basement, where all the Sound Ninja were dancing on tabletops. Who knew Dosu could pole dance so well?

As Kabuto entered the drafty room, the ninja immediately sat down as Sakon stood in the front next to the power box.

As soon as everyone was comfortable, Sakon opened the power box, letting the "audience" look at all the cables inside.

Sakon stuck his hand into the power box. As his body jolted about, his hair standing on end, strangely resembling Kakashi, he bellowed, "CHIDORI!" and passed out.

Kabuto stared while the others stood up, clapping and cheering. Was Jiroubou actually crying?

Two paramedics walked in with a stretcher as the crowd got silent. As Sakon was wheeled out, he woke up and was asked, "How did you do it?"

He smiled weakly and said, "A magician never reveals his secrets."

Kabuto just stared. Was he the only sane one here?

36. Stand on the kitchen table when the entire group is there, and serenade them with excerpts from Kabuto's diary.

Dinnertime at the Sound village. Usually it was a fairly normal affair, but today's was…different.

Sakon sat with bandages covering most of his body, grinning like an idiot. Kimimaro, Jiroubou, Kidoumaru, Kin, Dosu, Zaku, Tayuya, Kabuto, Sasuke, and Orochimaru all sat around the table, eating silently.

Suddenly, Tayuya jumped onto the table, holding a small, worn book.

"This is straight from the Life and Times of Yakushi Kabuto," she said. Kabuto's eyes widened and then narrowed as he discovered himself bound and gagged.

"_Dear Diary,_

_Today Orochimaru-sama wanted me in his room. I've never been in there before. Does anyone else know that Orochimaru-sama loves bunnies? And pink? Anyways, he told me to clean his room while he went and sparred with Sasuke. You'll never guess what I found. A man-thong. Yup, I've always had my suspicions before, but this proves it. Orochimaru-sama is GAY. _

_-Kabuto_," Tayuya read aloud. Orochimaru blushed crimson while Sasuke moved away from the Gaylord.

"_Dear Diary,_

_I rather dislike ginger ale. It's so…gross. Root Beer has much more taste to it. Do you know what else I found in Orochimaru's room? Tsunade's phone number. I'm going to go call her now…I hope she's single. _

_-Kabuto_," Tayuya choked out, laughing so hard.

"Hey!" Orochimaru cried out. "That's where that phone number went! I thought I lost it…"

All the Sound Nin stared.

"What? I'm a bi!" he cried out.

Kabuto fainted while Sakon and Ukon barfed. Kin, Dosu, and Zaku looked at each other and quickly excused themselves.

Kimimaro, Kidoumaru, Jiroubou, and Tayuya all disappeared before they exploded of laughter.

Orochimaru looked at Sasuke, who concentrated on his ramen.

_Do not think about Naruto like that, _Sasuke scolded himself before excusing himself to go take a cool shower.

Orochimaru shrugged and went to go join him.

Kabuto struggled upright and grabbed his diary with his feet.

_Mine, _he thought.

Sakon saw this and took the diary away.

"Mine," he said aloud, walking away.

Kabuto sighed and started on the ropes bounding him. _Hopefully tomorrow will be better…_he thought in hope.

Little did he know that the worse was still to come…

----

**A/N: **_-sighs- I got chapter seven out of the way. A terrible chapter, in my opinion._

_Ok, here's the important announcement. _

_If HarvestMoonRacoon allows it, should I do another of these stories? Like, a fanfiction version of a 30 ways? If so, I would maybe do Iruka, but you guys can vote on who you want it to be. Garden of Everything already asked me if she could use my format to do Neji, so he's out of the question. Still, there are many others. When the poll comes in, I will ask HarvestMoonRacoon if I can do another. Sound good? Now, REVIEW!_

_I wonder if anyone actually reads these…_

_-ZK _


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: **_50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating: **_T_

**Author: **_ZukoKrazy_

**Summary: **_Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction._

**Dedicated to: _HarvestMoonRacoon and everyone who is fighting in wars around the world. _**

**Special thanks to:**_Kimimaro-sama, Kai Sohma, AnimexFreakx4xEva, k4g0me, EvilFuzzy9, The Mysterious Thing, NoCareChakara, Kira-Kira Shiloh, Du Osthato Chetowä, SoundCloud, xpakux, Lyemi, altrnativrocklovr1797, LaZyEnErGeTiC, demon-ice-mirror, whatthehellwasithinkin, A True Radical Dreamer, Mistical Kat, rosefox89, and __Kitsune Kityubi._

**A/N: **_103 reviews! Wow guys, thank you so much! Wow, I feel really happy. Really, thanks soooo much, this is by far my most popular fanfic. Shall I do another?_

_Poll results concerning another story:_

_Iruka: 4_

_Orochimaru: 3_

_Shizune: 1_

_Kiba: 1_

_Gaara: 1_

_Looks like Iruka is the winner. After I post this chapter I will PM the mighty HarvestMoonRacoon and ask her permission, again. I already have a good way to start the story off ._

_On with the story!_

----

The various Sound ninja collapsed in Kidoumaru's room, all thoroughly exhausted. Sakon giggled as he read some more of Kabuto's diary. Kidoumaru went onto the Internet and opened the file once more.

The Sound Ninja huddled tightly around the flickering screen and laughed in glee as they imagined all the things they could, and will, do to the poor glasses-wearing boy.

They all quickly agreed on the next on, although Sakon and Ukon looked rather annoyed at the prank.

"Let's do it," Dosu said.

"Um, that's my line," Kidoumaru looked agitated as he said this.

"No," Dosu argued. "Look at all the chapters, from one to seven, and count how many times you've said, 'let's do this,' before the author inserts the capital introduction of the chapter."

"Fine," Kidoumaru accepted the challenge; somewhat confused that Dosu would go so deeply into it.

He popped out of the computer screen of a random reader, knocked the reader out of their chair and sat down with Dosu, who had also popped out.

"There, chapter number two," Kidoumaru said arrogantly.

"Actually, I'd like to point out that the quote was, 'Let's go', not 'Let's do this,'" the nearly appeared Zaku stated matter-of-factly.

Kidoumaru sulked while Dosu read on.

"There! Chapter three!" Kidoumaru said happily.

"Nope," Dosu, Kin, and Zaku all said together.

"Ha! In chapter four, Tayuya stole the line from you!" Jiroubou laughed, appearing from the Naruto world.

"She said let's go," Kidoumaru whined.

After they checked all of the chapters, the Sound Nin went back into the Naruto world, leaving behind a very confused reader.

"So, it turns out that you haven't said it once," Dosu said smugly.

Kidoumaru huffed and turned away.

Dosu cleared his throat and prepared to say the line in the best voice he could manage when suddenly Kidoumaru pushed him away and shouted, "LET'S DO THIS!"

THE EIGHTH CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO:THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

**37. Poke Ukon when Sakon isn't looking.**

Sakon was walking along, being sure to stay where he knew Kabuto was going to be, when suddenly Tayuya popped out from nowhere and poked the sleeping Ukon, saying, "Poke!" then under her breath, "You complete ."

Kabuto raised an eyebrow as Tayuya disappeared as Sakon rolled his eyes.

Five minutes later, Kabuto and Sakon were discussing the many levels of stupidity of Uzumaki Naruto when Jiroubou "snuck" up behind Sakon and poked Ukon, saying in an obnoxious voice, "Poke."

Sakon twitched and turned to beat the fat man as Kabuto watched in minor amusement.

"He's enjoying it!" Kidoumaru said from his room, watching Kabuto on his computer. "Deploy I.A.S. stat, over!" he yelled into his radio.

"Roger," came the staticy voice of Dosu, "Preparing I.A.S., over."

"This is the I.A.S. leader, reporting a problem. It seems our fourth member has "the runs" and is unable to participate. Send in the emergency member, stat. Over," Kimimaro said.

"Deploying immediately, over," Kidoumaru responded.

He turned to Jiroubou and nodded, who opened a cage holding Tayuya, who was foaming at the mouth for some odd reason.

Jiroubou held up a bone and threw it towards the direction of Kimimaro's room. Tayuya let out an unearthly howl and bounded after the bone.

"Emergency member deployed, over," Kidoumaru said to Kimimaro, turning back to the computer screen where Sasuke, who was being paid, was poking Ukon.

Kabuto continued eating his BLUEBERRY muffin while watching and laughing as Ukon was continually poked.

Suddenly there was what seemed to be a bomb exploding inside the kitchen. The smoke was enough to get Kabuto coughing and spitting blueberries everywhere.

The smoke cleared to reveal Kimimaro in a Tarzan costume in front, Kin, Dosu, and Tayuya backing up with gorilla costumes.

They ripped off the costumes to reveal them in Rock Lee and Gai spandex.

Kimimaro did the good guy pose and shouted, "THE I.A.S. HAS ARRIVED!"

"I.A.S?" Kabuto asked, sweat dropping at the costumes. Though he secretly liked the view of Tayuya he was receiving.

"THE IMMEDIATE ANNOYANCE SQUAD!" all four members shouted at once.

Kabuto tried to run, but was pulled back by Dosu. They then proceeded to annoy Kabuto in any and every way possible.

**38. Cover Kabuto's room in flypaper.**

As Kabuto was annoyed by the I.A.S., Sakon, Ukon, Zaku, Jiroubou, and Kidoumaru were all setting up the next prank:

Cover every inch of Kabuto's room in flypaper.

"I.A.S. mission completed, target heading back to room, over," Kimimaro said.

"Shoot," Kidoumaru whispered. They were nowhere near done.

"Get out of room! Target nearing at rapid pace, over!" Kin yelled.

"Emergency Plan B! Commence Emergency Plan B!" Kidoumaru yelled into the radio.

"Roger," came Dosu's voice.

Outside, they heard Zaku calling Kabuto. The footsteps that had been nearing the door stopped and walked away with Zaku, who would push Kabuto into a lake.

The pranksters in the room disappeared as they set the last paper down.

Kabuto opened his door and walked into his room, grumbling curses directed to Zaku.

Suddenly he stopped as he realized his bare feet where sticking to something.

Horrified, Kabuto looked up slowly and screamed as he realized his entire room was covered in flypaper.

Suddenly, Tayuya shoved his from behind and disappeared as Kabuto pitched forward.

Five hours later at dinner, Kabuto stormed in covered in welts and red all over.

The Sound Nin immediately held back their laughter as Kabuto slowly raised a red finger and pointed at them.

"You…" he growled, singling out Tayuya. "YOU WILL DIE!"

Tayuya screamed and bolted from the table, Kabuto hot in pursuit.

By now, the Sound Ninja were rolling on the floor laughing, only to laugh harder as Kabuto tripped over Jiroubou.

**39. Ask Kidoumaru loudly why he loves Tayuya so much.**

It was a time of quiet in the Sound hideout. Some ninja were on missions while others were just lazing about.

Kidoumaru was enjoying a game of chess with Zaku while Tayuya and Kin were performing a complicated duet with flutes. Kabuto was reading a book entitled, "How to Avoid Insanity While Living with Lunatics and Retards."

Zaku moved his pawn and said casually, "Hey Kidoumaru."

Said four-armed-teenager looked up.

"Why do you love Tayuya so much?" Zaku practically screamed.

Behind his book, Kabuto paled. Tayuya and Kin stopped playing and Tayuya slapped her flute into Kin's hand. Zaku and Kidoumaru's game of chess was tossed away as Tayuya swept her arm across the checkered board.

The two boys simply closed their eyes and braced themselves.

40. Tell him (after Tayuya beats both of you to a pulp) that Kabuto told you to say that.

After Tayuya was done and had resumed playing the duet with Kin, Kidoumaru looked to Zaku in fury.

Zaku, who was supporting two black eyes and a swollen lip raised his hands in defense and said, "Kabuto told me to say it."

Luckily, Tayuya and Kin had arrived at a point in the piece where the concentration was most needed, and didn't hear him.

Kidoumaru walked up to Kabuto, threw his book across the room where it hit Kin in the head, knocking her unconscious, and promptly slapped Kabuto across the face.

Kabuto looked up into the face of the boy with a broken nose and bleeding eyebrow and said, "Umm…you two would make a cute couple?"

Kabuto woke up several days later stuffed in a bowling bag in a closet.

41. Call Orochimaru "Mr. Jackson".

"Orochimaru-sama!" Kabuto called out, having finally freed himself of the dreaded closet. "Zaku clogged the toilet again, do you know where the plunger is?"

Kimimaro appeared and said, "Mr. Jackson sends his apologies; he does not know where the plunger is."

Kimimaro disappeared, leaving a confused and annoyed Kabuto behind. "It's Orochimaru-sama, not Mr. Jackson!"

Kabuto didn't recognize the reference, but he assumed the worst.

A couple days later, Kabuto was trying a raspberry muffin with Sakon as Orochimaru walked in.

"Mr. Jackson! Mr. Jackson! Kabuto was teasing me!" Sakon whined, pointing at the offending bran muffin hater.

"Kabuto, you know Sakon is younger than you. Don't tease him anymore," Orochimaru scolded.

"B-But, you're name is Orochimaru!" Kabuto cried.

"No, it's Mr. Jackson. Mr. Jackson! Kabuto lied!" Sakon cried out again.

Orochimaru shook his head and said, "What am I going to do with you two? Always arguing! Kabuto, go to your room."

Kabuto stomped to his room, angry and confused.

He jumped onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow.

Only them did he realize that he forgot to take the flypaper off his pillow.

----

**A/N: **_Well, there you have it. Ok, It's 11 o'clock, be happy with this or I will send my rabid pop tarts to attack your house. Thank you for reading. I am, as of now, going to ask the all-powerful HarvestMoonRacoon if I can do an Iruka one. I'll let you guys know what the answer is next time. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, because it was a blast to write._

_Seriously, does anyone read these?_

_Until next time,_

_-ZK_


	9. Chapter 9

Title: 50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION

Rating: T

Author: ZukoKrazy

Summary: Based off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction.

Dedicated to: HarvestMoonRacoon and everyone who suffers abuse.

Special thanks to: marsnmonkey, SaturnSetoSilvertail, Miss Ninja Kimi, Kuroune's Forbidden Lover, EKI-ember, Lyemi, ChildOfLily, k4g0me, Ms.Shigure Sohma, Sora. The angel of the sky, 2stupid, AnimexFreakx4xEva, LaZyEnErGeTiC, SoundCloud, demon-ice-mirror, rurousha, EvilFuzzy9, NoCareChakara, DesertRoseTemari, Shizuru-kun, inkyblack5290, A1Steakmanyeah, imthatimportant, Meekers, and Iloveinuyasha44.

A/N: Yay! Thanks for the reviews everyone! Also, some important news.

I asked HarvestMoonRacoon if I could do Iruka and she said…

Yes! Yup, I'm going to do Iruka after I finish Kabuto. Cheer with me!

On with the story…

----

Kabuto's anguished screams sounded through the entire base.

Kimimaro, Tayuya, Sakon, Ukon, Kidoumaru, Kin, Dosu, Jiroubou, and Zaku all roared with laughter as they watched the poor glasses-wearing boy run into walls trying to get off the flypaper.

Jiroubou, who was usually quiet in this matter, pointed to the next prank.

Kimimaro shook his head and pointed to a different one, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

Jiroubou scowled and said, "Kimimaro, don't you need your daily glass of milk right about now?"

"Shit!" Kimimaro swore, racing out of the room.

The others looked to Jiroubou in confusion as he slowly got up, walked to the door, closed it, and locked it, smirking slightly.

Tayuya rolled her eyes and said, "Jiroubou, Sakon, and Ukon, you cover the first floor. Kin, Dosu, and Zaku, you cover the second. Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, and myself will cover the third. Meet back here in-…"

"Um, excuse me Tayuya," Kidoumaru interrupted.

"What?" Tayuya asked, annoyed.

"I'M THE LEADER!" he yelled.

Tayuya's eyes narrowed in frustration as she let out a steady stream of curses.

"You are not the leader!" were the only words spoken that weren't swears.

"Yes I am!"

"Not-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!

"Not-uh!"

"SHUT UP!" Dosu roared. They immediately shut their mouths and Sakon told everyone what to do.

Five minutes later, Kidoumaru and Tayuya were yelling at each other once more. However, this time both were yelling at each other on radio talk!

"I FUCKIN' HATE YOU, OVER!" Tayuya yelled.

"ROGER THAT CRAZY BITCH!" Kidoumaru yelled back. He then proceeded to sing crazy bitch by Buckcherry.

Tayuya, on the other end, turned completely red at the chorus and turned off her radio, swearing revenge on the Spiderman mini.

"Tayuya, Kidoumaru, shut the hell up!" Sakon chimed in.

"Tayuya turned off her radio," Zaku said, deadpanned.

"You know what, this has gone too far. This isn't even funny anymore!" Kin yelled at the author.

"Hey, it's not my fault," the author responded, glaring.

"JUST START THE STUPID FIC!" all the Sound nin yelled at the author.

Silence.

Five minutes later, Jiroubou was standing looking grumpy in a pink and frilly tutu, Sakon and Ukon were trying to lite a alcohol-drenched Kin and Tayuya on fire, Kidoumaru was two-armed, Kimimaro was lactose-intolerant, Dosu was wearing a school-girl's uniform and was skipping around Jiroubou in circles, giggling his merriment, Zaku was talking animatedly to a plant, and Kabuto was eating a bran muffin.

The author smirked and said, "That's for messing with me."

THE NINTH CHAPTER OF 50 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YAKUSHI KABUTO:THE FANFICTION BEGINS NOW!

**42. Gather all the toilet paper in the entire hideout, and hide it under Kabuto's bed.**

Jiroubou, Sakon, and Ukon were sneaking around the first floor, looking for toilet paper. Once they had acquired it all, they dashed back upstairs and quickly stashed it under Kabuto's bed.

"Mission accomplished, over," said Sakon into his radio.

"Copy that, over," came the staicy voice of Zaku.

Zaku, Kin, and Dosu crept quietly around the second floor. After the got the toilet paper, they as well stored it under the medic-nin's bed.

"Second floor complete, over," said Dosu into the radio.

"Ok," said Kidoumaru, who was immediately scolded by the Sound nin to talk in the cool radio talk because, after all, that was the whole reason they got the radios in the first place.

While the two other teams crept quietly around, Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, and Tayuya stomped around like a herd of massive elephants on a wild rampage to food/water/pot.

"Um, guys, we have some trouble," Tayuya said to her two teammates as they rounded a corner to see Orochimaru's bathroom occupied.

What was worse was that they heard the snake man singing.

Rock, paper, scissors. Tayuya won. Rock, paper, scissors. Kidoumaru lost.

Quietly he crept in and stole all the toilet paper in the bathroom while Orochimaru belted out the K9 Advantix song.

They quickly ran back and stuffed the toilet paper under the bed.

Five minutes later, they heard an anguished scream as Orochimaru discovered the lack of toilet paper.

Ten minutes later, a towel-clad, sopping-wet, and mad-as-hell Orochimaru burst into Kabuto's room where he was currently working on the cure for the common cold.

However, at Orochimaru's dramatic entry, he dropped the potion and sighed.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto asked, looking like he was trying hard not to laugh at the wet man.

"Where is the toilet paper, Kabuto-kun?" Orochimaru whined.

"...In the bathroom...?" Kabuto answered, slightly disgruntled at the fact that his potion had gone to waste because of the idiocy of his master.

Yet again.

"NO IT'S NOOOOOOOOOT!" Orochimaru whined/screamed.

Suddenly he stopped as he spotted a small piece of white paper poking out from under Kabuto's bed.

Three days later Kabuto found himself in a cocoon made of toilet paper with a sign in front of him saying, "DON'T STEAL THE TOILET PAPER YOU BRAT!"

Poor Kabuto only sighed and worked on getting himself down.

**43. Tattoo your name on Kabuto's forehead while he sleeps. **

Kabuto stretched and yawned. A good night's sleep, finally.

Kabuto forgot his glasses on the bedside table and walked into the bathroom, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

He stared into the glass of the mirror, blinking uncomprehendingly. Suddenly he screamed and ran to get his glasses.

He hastily shoved them on and peered into the mirror once more.

And once again he screamed.

Tayuya, Jiroubou, Sakon, Ukon, Kin, Dosu, Kidoumaru, Kimimaro, Zaku, and Sasuke's names were all tattooed on his forehead!

Quickly he got his forehead protector and slapped it on over his forehead.

Unfortunately, he didn't notice the bright pink heart that showed to the side of his forehead, under his protector.

He bounded to the breakfast table and stopped as he saw the Sound ninja all sitting around the table, quietly eating their breakfast and discussing battle tactics.

"Hey Kabuto," greeted Ukon, stifling his laughter. Then he held out a object worthy of the bingo book.

"Care for a bran muffin?"

Later that day, while Ukon and most of the other Sound ninja sat in the infirmary, Kabuto sat on the counter in his bathroom, scrubbing at his forehead vigorously.

"Stupid Sound ninja," he muttered, putting more soap on his forehead.

"Kabuto-kun? Kabu- HAHAHAHAHA!" Orochimaru nearly fell over laughing at the site of his right-hand man scrubbing tattoos of his guards off of his forehead.

"What is it Orochimaru-sama?" the white-haired boy asked, rubbing his face with some blush and various other makeup products.

"I-...Well, uh...Oh yeah. Sakon wanted you in the kitchen," Orochimaru choked out, trying his best to control the bursts of laughter escaping from his mouth.

Kabuto looked annoyed and brushed past his master without another word.

Orochimaru noticed that on his way out, Kabuto picked up some poison and weapons including kunai and shuriken.

Orochimaru shrugged and fingered the twenty dollar bill in his pocket.

Poor Kabuto.

**44. Make a sandwich, and place it on the floor. Make no other movements or comments about it. When Kabuto throws it away, yell and refuse to speak to him for a week. **

Sakon hummed a random tune as he constructed a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

As Kabuto entered, he finished it. He turned and placed the beautiful sandwich on the floor.

Then he walked away.

Kabuto raised an eyebrow in confusion and looked after the boy.

Walking towards it slowly, he pulled out a kunai.

He crouched down, a bead of sweat going across his face.

He reached out with his kunai and...

...poked it.

When it didn't blow up, Kabuto peeked out from around the side of the table.

Nothing.

Kabuto looked disgusted as he picked up the sandwich and tossed it into the trash.

He turned around and found himself face-to-face with a very angry Sakon.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" the extremely angry boy asked.

"Yakushi Kabuto," Kabuto replied icily.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU THROW AWAY THAT SANDWICH! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I SPENT ON THAT? AGES! AGES, KABUTO! AND NOW YOU'VE RUINED IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! THE SOUND NINJA AND ARE ARE NOT TALKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN!" Sakon yelled. Kabuto actually shrunk back in fear...oh wait, that was to avoid Sakon's acid spit.

Said mutant boy turned on his heel and stalked out of the kitchen.

Kabuto nearly cried with relief.

So he started dancing. He danced away through night and day, ecstatic that the Sound Ninja were _finally _leaving him alone.

One week later...

**45. Chatter incessantly to make up for the lost time.**

"So do you want to know what I says to him? I says to him, 'There's no way that I would ever,' I put emphasis on the ever, 'ever want to be with you, Hunter.' Then you want to know what he does? He does this. He walks away! I mean, can you _believe_ the _nerve_ of that man? I'm tellin' you, sweetheart, boys can be _so_ aggravating!" Kin was saying.

Meanwhile, Kabuto slammed his head repeatedly on the desk.

"Hey Kabuto, Kin," Jiroubou greeted, nodding to his fellow shinobi.

"Jiroubou!" Kabuto cried, flinging himself away from Kin.

"Kin!" the large man called out. "Can you believe that Kabuto loves Tayuya?"

"I know!" Kin practically roared.

Kabuto sat down while the other two had a talking battle.

He then proceeded to bang his head continuously on the desk.

"Kidoumaru, don't you think we're taking it a bit too far? I mean, this next one could be very serious," Dosu said to the six-armed boy.

"Nah, fan girls can be bad, but I don't think he's in any REAL danger," Kidoumaru shrugged.

"Ok," Dosu said, not really caring.

**46. Sell him on Ebay. **

"Kabuto-sensei? Kidoumaru wants you in his room," Kimimaro said before walking away.

Kabuto shook his head and walked down to Kidoumaru's little sanctuary.

"Kabuto, look! The highest bid has just come in! 25 dollars!" Kidoumaru called out.

"What?" Kabuto asked, slightly curious.

"The highest current bid is 25 dollars! Woah! Look at this! 45 dollars!" Kidoumaru exclaimed.

"What are you selling?" Kabuto asked, truly interested.

"All right, the bidding has closed with 45 dollars," Kidoumaru said with a smile.

Kabuto rolled his eyes and left.

A couple of days later, their doorbell (?) rang.

"I GOT IT! I GOT IT!" Kidoumaru cried.

"Kabuto!" came the cry of the six-armed boy. "Someone's here for you!"

Kabuto leapt from his desk and raced towards the front door, praying that it was the tattoo-remover kit he had ordered.

He rounded the corner to find a girl about 17 years of age.

"Is that him?" the girl demanded, hand on hip.

"Yup," Kidoumaru smiled.

"Wha-..." Kabuto started. Suddenly he was pushed into a large box from behind.

"45 dollars, please," he heard Kidoumaru say.

"Here. Now can I have him?" came the girl's voice.

"He's all yours," was the last Kabuto heard Kidoumaru say.

Then he heard an evil cackle and the box being lifted.

Then it was black.

A couple days later he woke up in a strange room. He was lying in a bed covered with...muffins?

He bolted up and looked around. Everything was muffins! He recognized the type of muffin and almost died right there. Suddenly the door covered with pictures of muffins opened and in walked the girl, holding a batch of freshly-baked muffins.

"Bran muffin, Kabuto-kun?"

----

**A/N: **_Oh how I love to torture Kabuto so. This chapter stunk, but I needed to post it before summer ends. I hope to have chapter 10 out by tomorrow, seeing as it's my last day of freedom. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone with this chapter. Anyways, next time you see this update symbol, it will be the last time we torture Kabuto :( _

_Please review and don't be mad at me, after all, I'm tired and it's 10:30._

_As always,_

_-ZK_


	10. 10th and Final Chapter!

**Title:** _50 ways to Freak out Yakushi Kabuto: THE FANFICTION_

**Rating:** _T_

**Author:** _ZukoKrazy_

**Summary:** B_ased off of 50 ways to piss off/ freak out Yakushi Kabuto. The Sound nin read the fic and decide to pull the pranks on poor Kabuto! 5 ways to freak Kabuto out a chapter._

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own 50 ways to piss off/freak out Yakushi Kabuto. I do not own Naruto. I do, however, own this fanfiction. _

**Dedicated to:** **_HarvestMoonRacoon_** _and everyone who reviewed!_

**Special thanks to: **_Iloveinuyasha44, Lyemi, lone-wolf987, Mistical Kat, Sonar, xpakux, shloop, LaZyEnErGeTiC, NoCareChakara, AnimexFreakx4xEva, HarvestMoonRacoon, Haku's Girlfriend, libaka, demon-ice-mirror, 2stupid, k4gOme, and SKI-13. _

**A/N: **_Ah, here we are. The last chapter of my most popular and most fun to write story. I hope you all enjoyed it, and look out for Iruka, coming soon!_

----

The Sound Ninja looked at the computer screen in sadness.

"Only four more left?" Kimimaro observed sadly.

Kidoumaru sighed. Then he had an idea.

"Hey guys," he said as pictures of Kabuto being choked with bran muffins flashed on the screen. "Why don't we finish this in glory?"

"Let's," Tayuya said, grinning.

And so, it was then that Kabuto;s screams caught the attention of the Sound Ninja.

Kabuto fought off the bran muffin-crazed fangirl.

"BRAN MUFFINS ARE EVIL!" Kabuto yelled.

"NO, THEY ARE HEAVEN ON EARTH! THEY'RE HEALTHY! HEALTHY-NESS!" the fangirl shrieked, shoving the plate into his face.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kabuto droned, falling onto the floor.

The fangirl stared at the twitching mass upon the floor.

She shook her head in disgust and walked to the computer, turning it on.

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever: **You said he loved bran muffins. Liar.

**Six-armed-freak: **He does! He will eat any bran muffins you give him!

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever: **Then why is he a quivering mass of jello on my floor, repeating, "The bran muffins won't eat me, I'm a special ninja." over and over again?

**Six-armed-freak:** ...

**Six-armed-freak: **...did you put nuts into it?

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever: **I want a refund!

**Six-armed-freak: **No way. Did you read my policy? No refunds, EVER! ESPECIALLY to bran muffin fanatics.

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever: **Then I will be forced to dump him onto your doorstep.

**Six-armed-freak: **No! He will be so mad! The whole point was to get him AWAY from us!

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever:** I'll erase his memory of you selling him if...you give me Sasuke.

**Six-armed-freak: **No can do. Sasuke was bought by Orochimaru, why do you think he left Konoha?

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever: **Fine. I've shipped Kabuto to you, have fun when he gets home.

**Six-armed-freak: **NO! YOU ARE NOT GETTING YOUR MONEY BACK!

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever: **Ok. I've already bought a Gai person. Any idea what he looks like?

**Six-armed-freak: **You didn't get a picture of him?

**Kabuto-Lover-Forever: **Nope, his description sounded good though. Something about 'youthfulness...'

**Six-armed-freak: **Have fun with that.

Kidoumaru sighed and turned off the computer.

"What's got you down, Kidoumaru?" said a shadow in the first episode Iruka-was-REALLY-mad-at-Naruto-but-was-remaining-strangely-calm-with-the-insanely-infuriated- look-on-his-face-voice from the doorway.

Kidoumaru's insides froze as he slowly looked around to find Kabuto, looking strangely like Iruka.

Kidoumaru fainted.

**47. Play with his hair when he's trying to work. **

"Hey Kabuto," Tayuya said slyly from behind the four-eyes.

Kabuto sighed but didn't look up from his paperwork. "What is it Tayuya?"

Tayuya giggled and ran her fingers through his ponytail.

Kabuto froze and looked at Tayuya in confusion.

Tayuya only laughed and batted his ponytail even more.

Quite a couple hours later.

"TAYUYA IT'S THREE IN THE MORNING, LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" Kabuto yelled at the top of his lungs.

"but, Kabuto, I'm almost done you're prettyful braid!" Tayuya whined.

"In the immortal words of Dane Cook, FINISH UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT!" Kabuto shrieked.

"Well," Tayuya said in that really offended voice, threw down the nearly-completed braid, and stalked away.

Kabuto sighed and flopped onto his pillows. _Finally_, he thought.

One half hour later, his light flipped on to reveal a grinning Tayuya.

"I was guilty that I didn't finish," she explained, jumping onto his bed and crawling over to where he lay.

Kabuto groaned and turned on his side, exposing is hair. "Tayuya, go away," he said sleepily.

Tayuya laughed and resumed doing his braid, all the while chatting and gossiping about Jiroubou.

**48. Tell Kimimaro all of Kabuto's secrets. **

"And he leaves the hair in the brush and he love Tayuya and he likes to watch chick flicks and a lot of people think that he's a bi, seeing as he watches Orochimaru shower and he was seducing Tayuya the other day and he LOVES bran muffins," Kidoumaru gossiped, grinning as he saw Kabuto drop his chocolate-chip muffin in surprise.

Kimimaro gasped and dropped his spoon. "Really?" he whispered.

Kidoumaru nodded and laughed openly at the sight of Kabuto being held back by Sakon, Ukon, and Jiroubou.

"NOT TRUE! Kimimaro-kun, don't believe him! That's not true you-..." Kabuto shrieked but was cut off by Tayuya.

"HEY! It's MY job to swear around here, you little fucker!" Tayuya shrieked into Kabuto's face.

Kabuto was taken aback and the Sound Ninja took this chance to gag him while Kabuto blabbed his secrets.

**49. Cut off Kabuto's ponytail when he's not looking. **

"Hey Kabuto, guess what?" Dosu asked, appearing next to the pony-tailed man.

"What, Dosu?" Kabuto said while narrowing his eyes and backing away slowly.

"Uhh..." Dosu stuttered while Zaku snuck up behind Kabuto.

Zaku reached up and got Kabuto's Tayuya-done braid and snipped it off quietly.

Feeling the tug of the scissors, Kabuto whipped around to find a crouched Zaku holding his braid.

Kabuto stared and opened his mouth.

Miles and miles away in Konoha, Naruto heard a cry of, "ZAKU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" and turned to Sakura.

"Wasn't Zaku a guy we fought in the Forest of Death in the Chuunin exams?" he asked.

Sakura nodded and Naruto shrugged.

Meanwhile, back at Otogakure, Zaku tore down the hall, screaming, sneezing, and crying about the mad-man chasing him down the hall like a rhino on crack.

"Zaku, come in. How goes it, over?" Kin asked over the radio.

"Mission accomplished, but he's chasing me, over!" Zaku cried into his radio.

"Roger that, deploying the E.S.K.W.H.I.M.E.T.K.S. stat, over," Kin replied.

As Kabuto had almost reached Zaku, intending to completely kill him, when a cloud of smoke enveloped the entire hallway.

"THE EMERGENCY STOP KABUTO WHEN HE IS MAD ENOUGH TO KILL SAQUAD HAS ARRIVED!" shouted what sounded like Jiroubou.

The smoke cleared to reveal Jiroubou as leader, and Sakon, Ukon, and Kimimaro as back-up.

"AHHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!" Kabuto yelled when he spotted the costumes. Think of Gai and Rock Lee, only with orange spandex instead of green and the rest of them in Elvis.

"Thank you, thank you very much!" Jiroubou impersonated.

Suddenly another smoke bomb went off.

"Excuse me," said a man's voice.

The smoke cleared to reveal a lawyer, the author, and the King himself.

"Excuse me, but impersonation of the King is strictly prohibited and you will be put into jail if you do it again. This young lady," he shook the author's arm, "is already being sent to jail for a week for a taste tester. Would you care to join her?"

Kabuto picked up Zaku, who hadn't run away and placed him in front of the lawyer. "He wants to go," Kabuto whispered hoarsely.

"Ok then," the lawyer took him along with the author.

"This has got to be a record, eh, Zuko?" Zaku grinned at the author.

"Yup! Fourteenth time already!" the author smiled.

Kabuto and the rest sweat dropped while the lawyer led them away, the King following behind, looking kind of confused.

"Uhh...," Jiroubou stared.

Kabuto faced them and they scampered like cockroaches.

Suddenly Orochimaru burst from the room and named Kabuto King of Otogakure.

Tayuya and Kin both appeared in skimpy dancing outfits and started to sing about Kabuto, the King of the world!

Then Kabuto woke up.

He raised his head up from the desk and grunted, annoyed at the fact that his papers had been drooled on.

He stood up and walked to the bathroom, scratching the back of his head. He took off his glasses and took a shower.

**50. Put greasepaint on the rims of his glasses. **

Kabuto got out of the shower and peered, squinting, into the foggy mirror. What he saw baffled him.

He quickly snatched up his glasses and pressed them to his eyes and cleared the fog from the mirror.

His ponytail had been cut off.

Kabuto sat down at the dinner table and glared at the offending Sound Ninja.

They all stared back at him with innocent looks on their faces.

Kabuto pured a bowl of cereal and started to eat it along with a raspberry muffin. The Sound Ninja looked confused. No explosion?

"When I take over the world," Kabuto said casually, biting into his muffin, "You all will be first to die."

The Sound Ninja were all on the floor, deadpanned.

Later that afternoon, Kabuto took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, annoyed. Something was bothering them.

He pulled his hand away and glanced at it. Then he looked at it again, confused. Greasepaint?

He rushed to a bathroom and tore off his glasses He had rings around his eyes and he looked sort of like Gaara.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kabuto cried, dropping to his knees.

"Yes!" All the Sound Nin cried, appearing in front of Kabuto.

"Unfortunately, our chapter ends here," Tayuya said sadly.

Kabuto looked up.

Jiroubou nodded and said, "That was the last prank on the list."

Kabuto's eye twitched. A list?

"Yup, so we're done now. You can continue with your normal life," Sakon said, while Ukon muttered something about "Screwing Orochimaru."

Kabuto looked to the Sound Ninja. "Are you telling the truth?" he whispered. They all nodded.

"MY EYES! MY EYES! MY EYES!" came the anguished cries of the Sound Ninja. Jiroubou was beating his head against a wall, Sakon and Ukon were beating each other's heads, Kin was twitching madly, Dosu had fainted, Kimimaro was trying to claw his eyes out, Tayuya was simply staring in disbelief, and Kidoumaru was on the floor twitching all over. Zaku was still in jail.

Kabuto had started to dance.

----

**A/N: **_Alright everyone, that's a wrap! Thank you for all the amazing reviews and encouragement._

_Special thanks!_

_HarvestMoonRacoon- For letting me use your list. Thank you so much!_

_The Sound Ninja, Sasuke, and Orochimaru- For torturing Kabuto. _

_Kabuto- For being tortured._

_This is the last chapter of 50 Ways to freak Out Yakushi Kabuto:THE FANFICTION. Thank you all and look out for the next story in this series, 30 Ways To Make Umino Iruka Mad: THE FANFICTION!_

_Please excuse the suckness of this chapter and please ignore any grammar mistakes, it's 11:00._

_Thank you all again for reviewing, this is perhaps my most popular and most fun to write story ever!_

_As always and for the last time on this fic,_

_-ZK_


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